On our way to Academica my father explains the all the rules and regulations of the bar and tells me to stay away from any unsavory characters. He begins to tell me of all of the fights he had had to break up and even join. As I walk into my father’s sanctuary he describes to me all his friends and enemies. A man tall, stocky and rugged approaches me and introduces himself as Buckey and explains how he and my Dad have been best friends since high school and not to worry about the guys in the club. Men walk by me and stare, there are 3 flat screen televisions over the bar, 2 pool tables cover the other half of the room, and a foosball table sits in the corner near the restaurant entrance.
My Dad exclaims how I have to meet one of his friends. As I approach this man he gives me an awkward look and tilts his head like he has been waiting for my arrival. He is average height, his brown hair is beginning to recite, he is well built with a face-covered rough beard, and he’s wearing his favorite soccer team’s jersey. It’s my uncle Carlos; he asks me how I’m doing in school and soccer. I respond with the usual answers and he sits me down and we watch our favorite team Benfica play their rivals FC Porto. The mean all gather around to watch the game, and before the game is even started men are arguing and talking shit to one another in portuguese. As the game goes on men talk about the players and eventually end up talking about their past accomplishments and failures in the past. As I listen I hear of their struggles and achievements I recognize they all listen to each other and put their own input and laugh and enjoy one other, and I think to myself I could only wish my friends and I could have the same relationship as we get older.
The game ends and of course my team Benfica win 2-1. The men begin to leave the club one by one, two by two and soon it’s only me, my father and my uncle Carlos. My father asks me why I picked Academica for my assignment. I pause for a minute and look at my father and tell them I wanted to see where my father hangs out and because my grandfather used to be a member of the club before he died and he would always be at the club and I always wanted to see what was so good about the club that he always was there and now I realize that the men in the club are more like brothers and have a special bond, in which they keep until they can’t physically drive. My father and uncle put their hands on my shoulder and give me a smile and we exit the club.
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This was very interesting to read. The way you started off definitely caught my attention. The details are good, but I think you could add some more. Maybe if you went another day where there was a different group of people there you would get some different details. Or you could maybe ask people about some funny things that have happened. But overall I really enjoyed reading it. =]
ReplyDeleteBrent--
ReplyDeleteReally a good start here-good choice of subculture. In revision, though, I'd like to see the relationships *shown* (which can probably best be done by including dialogue, which will help a lot to make these men come to life, I think.)
Beginning seems a little abrupt--maybe explain first what Academica is?
Include more of a physical description (not just inventory of TV, pool tables, etc. but what's the decor, lighting, floor covering, pictures on wall? what creates its atmosphere?)
I don't understand the bit about Uncle Carlos? It seems yr father is pretending he's a stranger to you? Is he estranged from yr family somehow?
Can you give some dialogue from men's conversations? (maybe in English translation with a little Portuguese thrown in for flavor?)
I like the line: "As I listen I hear of their struggles and achievements I recognize they all listen to each other and put their own input and laugh and enjoy one other, and I think to myself I could only wish my friends and I could have the same relationship as we get older." (Maybe explain a little more about how/why yr generation is different?) But I'd like to hear/see the observations you made that led you to this conclusion.
Nice way to wrap this up!